What in the World Is an Observer?

I use the word Observer in a specific sense throughout this website. It means a compassionate person who meets the needs of invisibly disabled people. Needs varying from simple interactions to complicated endeavors. I also use the word Dweller to indicate the person who dwells in storms of chronic illness and invisible disabilities.

Who are Dwellers and Observers?

Storm Observer

Anyone looking at storms of physical challenges from the outside.

Caregiver/Observer

One who lives with and cares for a Dweller.

Storm Dweller

Chronically ill or invisibly disabled person experiencing ongoing storms, constant or intermittent.

Dweller/Observer

A Dweller who sees someone in a different storm.

Two true stories from a Dweller:

Story 1: Helpful Observer

Joe pushes my wheelchair to the shopping mall’s door anticipating the difficulty of maneuvering the chair through it. He’ll need to turn the chair sideways, reach for the door, and swivel the chair backward to go through the door. But wait! The lady getting ready to enter steps back, holding the door open so Joe and I can move head-on through the door.

Story 2: Hurtful Observers

We are attending a convention of presumed compassionate people. The lobby contains multiple sets of doors to get through while numerous attendees stand around. But no one helps, and no one aids in finding a place to sit.

So …

I am the Dweller. And Joe, my husband, is my Caregiver/Observer intensely involved in helping me. The lady is an Observer who met a need of this invisibly disabled woman. The attendees are Observers who either do not see or do not care. Can you understand why we perceived the lady as helpful and the attendees’ lack of action as hurtful?

Sympathetic Observers are perceptive, seeing the need, but others ignore the need or just don’t see it. Some are compassionate, while others remain self-absorbed. Some are helpful; others are hurtful.

If you are an Observer, consider what kind you are and what you’d like to be. Let’s examine who Observers are, what choices they make, and what they can do.

Information about Observers

Who are Observers?

• Any age, race, gender, or socio/economic status.

Can Dwellers lead successful lives?

• Of course!
  • Read about Lauren Hillenbrand, author of the famous book Seabiscuit.

How can Observers respond when seeing a Dweller?

• Help with the need
• Judge and criticize
• See, but ignore
• Look, then turn away

Observers and help

What kinds of help can Observers give?

• Acknowledge and affirm Dweller as a person of worth.
  • The lady opening the door affirmed me by noticing my existence.
  • Affirmed Joe by helping him.
  • Even just saying “hi” says she has worth.
  • Noticing when he returns after an absence tells him you care.
• Communicate, one-time or ongoing.
  • Personal contact says she’s still a person of value even if she can’t do what she used to — or what you think she should.
  • Phone calls.
  • Emails.
  • Visits.

Practical help (need varies depending on Dweller’s abilities)

• If a stranger
  • Act like the lady in Story 1.
  • Become aware of those around you.
  • Ask if help would be appreciated.
  • When appropriate, take the initiative.
  • Always be courteous.
• If an acquaintance or friend
  • Know your friend.
    • Do they even want or need help?
  • Observe them.
    • Where do they struggle?
  • Offer specific help.
• If family
  • Don’t presume about their abilities.
  • Allow them to do what they’re able to.
  • Let them make their own choices.
  • Be considerate.

Helpful Observers I knew

Read tributes of three compassionate Observer friends: Esther, Karen, and Jennifer whose tribute will post next week. See the contributions they made.

Concluding

So, are you an Observer? What kind? Helpful or hurtful? Caring and cognizant? Or blithely unaware, ignoring those around you? Are you satisfied with who you are? If not, are you willing to change?

Compassionate Observer, I hope you picked up ideas for meeting needs of invisibly disabled people, whether a stranger, friend, or family member.

What experiences — good or bad — have you had or seen?

If you are responsible for an event’s meeting place, PLEASE read this article. If you are invisibly disabled and planning to attend an event, note questions to ask the planners.

More information is available in “Do You Need Information About Invisible Disabilities?”

For fun, take the quiz, “Invisible Disabilities – I Know All About Them – or Do I?”