Observers and Dwellers
Two words. Two roles in life. The difference lies in the context: storms of chronic illnesses and invisible disabilities.
Definitions
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Storm Dweller
Dweller: physically challenged people experiencing ongoing storms, constant or intermittent.
- Observer: anyone living outside these storms.
Storm Observer
- Dweller/Observer: dweller who sees someone in a different storm.
Help Needed by Dwellers
Major. Minimal. None. Depends on individual situation.
But everyone needs encouragement.
Some dwellers go on to great achievements.
Observers and Help
Some observers are perceptive, seeing the need; others ignore the need or just don’t see it. Many are compassionate; others self-absorbed. Some are helpful; some hurtful.
True stories:
Scene 1: Helpful observer
Frank pushes Jean’s wheelchair to the shopping mall’s door anticipating the difficulty of maneuvering the chair through it. Turning the chair sideways. Reaching for the door. Swiveling the chair back. Going through the door. But, wait! The lady getting ready to enter steps back, holding the door open so Frank and Jean can move head-on through the door.
Scene 2: Hurtful observers
Frank and Jean are attending a Christian convention. There are several sets of doors to get through and many attendees standing around. But no one helps, as no one aids in finding a place to sit. (P.S. People at their church are great at helping.)
So ….
Jean is the dweller. Frank is a caregiver-observer intensely involved in helping Jean. The lady is an observer who helps out. The attendees are observers who either do not see or do not care. Can you understand why Frank and Jean perceived the lady as helpful and the attendees’ lack of action as hurtful?
For your own sake, it’s important to consider what kind of observer you are and what you’d like to be. Let’s examine who observers are, what choices they make, and what they can do.
What Observers look like?
A man. A woman. A teen. Even a child. Black, white, green, or purple. In short, an Observer looks like you or me—or any person.
What choices can Observers make when seeing a Dweller?
- Help with the need
- Judge and criticize
- See, but ignore
- Look, then turn away
What kinds of help can observers give?
- Affirmation: This universal need can be especially strong in dwellers because of their pain and isolation.
- How can you meet this need?
- The lady opening the door affirmed Jean by noticing her existence. She affirmed Frank by realizing she could help him.
- Acknowledge the dweller’s presence. Even just saying, “hi” says he has worth.
- Phone calls. Emails. Any type of personal contact, one-time or ongoing, says she’s still a person of value even if she can’t do what she used to — or what you think she should.
- How can you meet this need?
- Practical help: This is a variable need depending on the dweller’s abilities.
- How can you meet this need?
- If a stranger, be like the lady:
- Become aware of those around you.
- Be proactive.
- Be courteous.
- Ask if help would be appreciated.
- If an acquaintance or friend:
- Know your friend.
- Do they even want or need help?
- Observe them.
- What areas do they struggle in?
- Be proactive.
- Ask about specific ways to help.
- If family:
- Exercise caution.
- Be considerate.
- Don’t take over.
- Don’t presume about what they can accomplish.
- If a stranger, be like the lady:
- How can you meet this need?
Caregivers: a special category of observers profoundly involved in the storms.
More about them in a forthcoming post.
So, what kind of observer are you? Helpful or hurtful? Caring and cognizant of those around you? Or blithely unaware going on your way, ignoring those around you? Are you satisfied with who you are? If not, are you willing to change?
What experiences — good or bad — have you had or seen? Please leave a comment, so you can encourage, inspire, and/or educate others!
