"I was assigned a role for which I did not audition. Yet I have the power to choose how I will live out that story and play that role. I want to live my story well and play my role with as much integrity and joy as I can." (P. 195)* These words are a good goal for accepting life as invisibly disabled people.
Those words were spoken by Jerry Sittser after losing his mother, wife, and daughter in an accident caused by a drunk driver.
I know that grief resulting from invisible disabilities differs from the grief of death, but our grief is still very real and dealing with it comes before acceptance.
This "before" photo happened long before my problems began. I enjoyed the activities any young mother did. Our younger son and I were resting by the lake at a campground.
17 years later, "after" ten years of limitations, our older son pushed me around another campground. Notice the happiness I displayed. At that time, I had come to an acceptance that freed me to enjoy life with my family.
Have you had losses in your life?
Do you struggle with your new life?
If so, the ideas in AGAIN may help you.
AGAIN is merely an acronym for steps that can help us to achieve acceptance and new purpose for this strange life we find ourselves in.
AGAIN
- Assess where you are.
- Grieve your losses.
- Accept that your life has forever changed.
- Invent new ways to live in your new normal.
- New Purpose will give your life meaning again.
Complete and repeat as many times as needed.
Caution: Easy to say; hard to do.
8 Positive steps you can take:
- Start new traditions.
- Make changes in your life.
- Try new activities.
- Don't lower your expectations.
- Look for new things to enjoy.
- Change the focus of your life.
- Look for equally good, but different, experiences.
- Embrace the new circumstances.
These ideas are culled from Sittser's book. These concepts may not all fit your life. But pick and choose and even add others.
The most important action, in terms of acceptance and new purpose, is the last one. And that may be the hardest to do.
Last Words
"… 'Recovery' from such loss is an unrealistic and even harmful expectation, if by recovery we mean resuming the way we lived and felt prior to the loss." (P. 17-18, Sittser)*
“Recovery” via acceptance from our losses may take a lifetime. As for myself, in these 40+ years, I have revisited AGAIN again and again. I would believe I had fully accepted the changes (and I had). But then something would remind me of my losses, or I experienced additional losses, and I found myself back at the beginning yet another time. However, each time seemed easier than before.
My hope for you is that you can assess, grieve, accept, invent, and find new purpose in your life!
