Should You Want to Be a Successful Chameleon?

Chameleons camouflage themselves to fit their surroundings. Hiding invisible disabilities can yield similar results. But, is that a good thing? Or not? The answer: it depends.

Why are you hiding? And, is it really hiding? Or, are you just not giving out unnecessary information?

Are you using it as a mechanism to avoid being different?

What constitutes hiding invisible disabilities?

Concealing your difficulties.

Jeanette is meeting a new group of people, potential friends. However, they are leaving for an activity that she knows she will later pay a heavy price for doing. But if she doesn’t go, she thinks she’ll forfeit any chance of friendship. So she goes — and suffers later. Was she hiding her unseen impairments? Yes. Was it worth it? Only Jeanette can decide.

Lucas is a very private person with a degenerative disease causing still-unseen difficulties. He doesn’t tell his friends about his illness, but he’s unable to participate in all their activities and they don’t understand why. Does that constitute hiding his increasing disabilities? Again, yes. But maybe that’s a good choice for him. Again, it’s Lucas’ decision.

So, hiding your condition can make you a successful chameleon to fit in with others. But why? For good reasons, or for less honorable motives?

There may be valid reasons for hiding, but most often, people become chameleons because of less-than-stellar motives.

Consider your lifestyle. Decide what’s important to you. Assess your reasons. And always remember your limitations as you calculate the cost.

Legitimate reasons to hide

• You might be a private person, in general.
• You don’t want to answer questions.
• Strangers you meet in the course of daily living don’t likely need to know anything about you physically. If you need help, a vague explanation should be sufficient.
• Co-workers pose a problem. See the resource list at the end of this post to see some pros and cons about disclosure at work.
• Acquaintances you occasionally see may not need to know anything.
• The desire to shield friends or family from the emotional distress of knowing you hurt may be valid. But check your motives on this one.
• In the past, a person has responded in thoughtless, biased, or irrational ways to your condition.

Not-so-good reasons to hide

• You have too much pride to let others know you’re hurting.
• Embarrassment is — well, embarrassing, but the person may really need to know.
• You justifiably don’t want pity.
• Not having come to terms with the reality of your situation, you don’t want others to know.
• Fear: how would they respond if they knew.

Summing Up

Each situation can be unique, so depending on the circumstances, some not-so-good reasons might be good reasons to be a chameleon while some legitimate reasons might be inappropriate. This is not a black-and-white issue; analysis of different situations is called for.

Life has taken away many of your choices, but this area — whether or not you’re open about your limitations — is one place you can still decide for yourself. You may be a successful chameleon for good or bad reasons. Are you just pretending you’re okay? Have you accepted your limitations, so that you’re fine with others knowing? Do you have a legitimate reason not to disclose?

How’re you doing in your choices? Evaluate yourself, then make your own choice!

Your Turn to Share

Is there a time you hid your invisible disabilities? Did it turn out good or bad?

Look further into “hiding”

Joe Magliano discusses the question of whether or not to disclose an invisible disability.

An interesting read on why the working invisibly disabled may hide their condition.

Megan Shaw wrote a research paper on the stigma of hidden disabilities. Long paper but good info if you’re still unsure why someone might hide their limitations.

Observer, are you wondering what invisible disabilities are? See these posts: So … What Are Invisible Disabilities? and Name One Infallible Way to Recognize Invisible Disabilities.