Chronically ill people often feel unseen by others. But why? Because social isolation may be caused by their invisible disabilities. And this leads to feeling lonely. Can the isolation be mitigated and the loneliness decreased?
In the early years of my problems (after recovering from the initial severe injuries), my limitations did not isolate me much. Being able to stay up 4-5 hours, I was able to participate in life socially. I could attend conferences. Engaging in our sons’ education was quite feasible.
However, as my limitations and co-morbidities increased, my ability to be up and active decreased to one, or maybe two, hours up followed by one or two hours reclining. Naturally, social activities diminished and isolation grew.
Other dwellers’ (those who live in storms) stories may be like mine, with slow changes. Conversely, theirs may have happened suddenly, as with injuries caused by an accident. Either way, it can end up the same: social isolation caused by invisible disabilities.
Okay. Dwellers, you probably have too much experience with my thesis, but what can you do? Observers of the storms, can you help out?
Why it happens
- Lack of understanding.
- Fear the problems will happen to them.
- Disbelief of the situation’s reality.
- Busyness.
- Uncaring attitude.
- Occasionally, just plain meanness.
Observers – How you can help
- Most importantly, acknowledge a dweller’s presence, even just a simple “Hi.”
- That tells them you do see them and that you know they are there.
- Take time to get acquainted with someone you think might have problems.
- Do they miss a lot of meetings, work, or school?
- Does it seem to take them longer to accomplish a task?
- Do they seem “lazy” to you?
- These could indicate an invisible disability condition. Getting to know someone might be the only way to find out.
- Give a friend a phone call, email, or letter.
- Tactfully find out if you can help in some way.
- Ideas: rides to doctors, church, or shopping; light housework (or heavy, if you have time); yardwork; childcare or respite care.
Dwellers – Actions you can take
- Listen to friends’ needs.
- Follow-up.
- Reach out to others through your computer.
- I gave my laptop the nickname Expanded World.
- Connect with others through social media.
- On Facebook, private groups exists for specific conditions as well as general physical problems. These groups range in size from tiny to huge.
- Our Connections is very small and not very active, though it’s responsive to its members.
- Medical Musings with Friends is quite large and active.
- Seek groups for your condition.
- On Facebook, private groups exists for specific conditions as well as general physical problems. These groups range in size from tiny to huge.
- Make phone calls.
- Write cards and letters.
- Send emails.
- Help others to understand about your condition, if appropriate.
- Prayer is always an option.
Concluding …
As you can see, social isolation may be caused by invisible disabilities. But actions by observers or dwellers can diminish that isolation. And that may well lead to less loneliness.
Your Input
Do you feel lonely or are you socially isolated? Why or why not?
More Info
This article offers more in depth information about disability, loneliness, and social isolation.
See these posts with more ideas about combating loneliness.
Read more about social interactions.
I know I’ve pulled back from reaching out to others. There have been a handful of people that have, despite that, reached out to me again and again. That means the world, not to be forgotten.
I have the same problem about pulling back. Unfortunately, I don’t have the people who reach out to me; I’m happy for you! My “friends” outside my family almost all come from internet connections.
Great post. Sometimes you just feel invisible. I tend to just disappear when I have a flare and come back when I’m back to my baseline.
That’s what I do, too. It’s one reason I think people tend not to believe me–they don’t see me when things are bad. One reason we wrote our book.