Loneliness Is Hard! Can You Help Me?

Do you know an invisibly disabled person? Think before you say, “No.” The key word is invisible, so you may know, work alongside, or attend school with such a person. Do you know someone who seems lazy? Maybe they are; but maybe they aren’t; maybe they live with severe pain and/or weakness. Does someone ignore you when you talk to them? Maybe they can’t hear you. Does someone avoid you? Maybe you wear beautiful perfume, but they’re highly allergic to it. The list goes on and on.

Such people are likely lonely.

What’s the easiest thing to do? Say, “Hi!” Have you felt invisible in a crowd? Help others know you see them. Look around and really notice the lonely, then acknowledge their presence. It doesn’t cost anything, and it doesn’t take much time. But it could make all the difference to a struggling person.

As a compassionate observer, you can play a critical role in helping a lonely person avoid depression (or worse) just by being a friend.

You can help someone else. And maybe you already do; kudos to you! Leave a comment about what works!

The A-B-C-D’s of how to diminish loneliness

Acknowledge their existence. It helps them not to feel so invisible.

• Say “Hi!” in passing when you see him.
• If you comment about appearance, be careful not to connect it with the how she feels.
  • i.e. Please don’t say, “You’re looking good today. You must be feeling better.”
    • Stop with “You’re looking good.”
    • She may have taken extra care because she feels horrible. Everyone likes compliments on their looks.
  • Or, as one dweller suggested, “You’re looking well today, but how are you really feeling?”
• Ask and learn about his illness, if it’s appropriate and you really care.
• Tell her about what’s going on with you; it helps her connect to life outside her pain.

Believe them.

• His condition may manifest itself in strange ways which to you seem unbelievable. But he lives with these every day. Encourage him by your acceptance.
• As Dr. Rainer* says, “Only she knows her limits and they will likely change from day to day depending on many factors. What she could do yesterday may not be possible today. Don’t question that.”

Communicate and keep in touch.

• He may not be able to connect with you in person, but the following lets him know you’re thinking about him.
  • Email, Facebook, Twitter if she has a computer.
  • Take time to call him.
  • Send her a card in the mail.

Do something special.

• When making plans, keep his limits in mind and be prepared for unexpected changes.
• Plan something for her family.

Summing up

When a person knows they have friends who care and understand, it often gives them the strength to face the world with courage and perseverance!

So, can your lonely friend say this of you: “So many of my smiles begin with you.” If not, you can build a friendship with an invisibly disabled person involving much smiling. Then your new friend will happily say this to you.