I Can’t Work Now! Who am I?

Let’s think today about identity and invisible disabilities. I don’t mean identifying as an invisibly disabled person. Rather, I’m speaking of the sometimes-difficult areas to consider: our self-worth and identity. Sometimes, when we lose important abilities, we may find it hard to still see ourselves as worthwhile people who do have a purpose.

Were you a happy stay-at-home mom? A man who provided adequately for his family? Successful businessperson or factory worker or technician or …? But now, you wonder who you are without your job? Let’s work on that today.

Following my second severe back muscle injury in two years, time showed the pain and weakness to be a forever problem. Although I had worked to help put my husband through college and graduate school, my highest ambition was to be a wife and mother to our two young sons. Now, however, I could not perform the functions I considered essential to this role.

So now, what was I to do? It slowly dawned on me the most important part of being a wife and mother was, well, rooted in being. In other words, love was the most important part of that job. And I COULD do that.

“In a perfect world, our faith calling informs everything we do and leads to the best, most loving, most God-centered outcomes.”

Paula Faris, Called Out, p. 34.

Faith calling

For the Christian, that means who God created us to be.

Others call it their underlying purpose that guides decision-making.

For others, it is a mindful life of compassion.

It is the guiding principle of who we are.

What we do can change. Who we are, won’t.

It is a question of who we are versus what we do.

For those of us with mild to severe limitations, these are critical distinctions. We can no longer do what we used to. We need to find new purpose. But not through achievement.

Who are you now? How is your self-worth? What is your identity?

Your identity and invisible disabilities

Do you understand who you are (not what you do) and what your underlying purpose is?

• Write out your answer in a clear and meaningful way.

Thinking about what you did and who you were before your illness:

• What did you enjoy doing and why?
• What were you good at? Why do you think so?

Consider your character traits:

• List them.
• Have they changed?

Now think about your limitations:

• Do you believe the above activities fit within your written answer about who you are?
• If so, can you adapt those activities to fit within your current abilities?
• If not, can you envision new activities you can accomplish that complement who you are?
• What about your character traits? Can they be applied in different ways?

I have prepared a downloadable PDF of the above exercise (available at this link). So, you can take time to seriously consider these ideas. I wish you luck as these concepts can be challenging, and sometimes painful, to think about.

But, in this case, the end justifies the means. And the end is so worthwhile! You and those around you may be much happier.

More Info

The book Called Out by Paula Faris inspired this post.

“Who Me? Self-Esteem for People with Disabilities”—filled with specific ideas to improve self-esteem.

Check out my other posts on “Purpose” and “Acceptance”.

The “Coping” page even contains more ideas.