Lydia Beier’s, A Caregiver Needs Care, Part 2, tells how caring for her father impacted her own health issues. Read the beginning of the story in Part 1.
Lydia experiences several disabling chronic illnesses and writes about this, her faith, and other issues on her website, Being Lydia.
Lydia’s story continues
In my first post I talked about how my Dad came to live with us as his health faded. Today, I turn things around and talk about my health issues and how they were affected.
An accident 30 years ago causing three lumbar fractures. A knee damaged while skiing followed by a botched cartilage surgery. Other wear and tear issues. All these cause chronic pain, osteoarthritis, and fibromyalgia. Additionally, I have IBS, chronic migraines, asthma, and chronic fatigue. Mental health issues include depression, bipolar, OCD, and severe panic/anxiety disorder.
Dad was definitely suffering from dementia; however, I had no way of talking to his doctor without him finding out and resenting me. I got the brunt of it because my husband and sister were not around as much as I was. This really played against my anxiety levels.
I basically pushed through my pain and fatigue to look after Dad each day for four years. When he was in the hospital, I needed to be there when the doctors came around, or at least talk to the nurses afterward and then explain it to Dad. I didn’t have all the responsibilities of looking after him that I had at home, and my sister came up in the evenings to help him. However, things like arranging oxygen canisters to the rehab, clean clothes, etc. still needed to be done.
I had been waiting to get into a well-respected pain clinic for two years. When they accepted me, Dad was in the rehab facility and doing fairly well. My sister wanted time off as well, so for the next two months I would go up Mondays and Wednesdays and she would go Tuesdays and Thursdays. About halfway through, Dad took a turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital again.
My Dad’s homegoing
When my Dad was placed in Hospice, both my sister and I were there. She had been with him all day and because I had come from my program (which became my last day) I stayed with him into the night. He was only on oxygen and pain medication, and the pneumonia was very aggressive. We believed he recognized us and heard us, but he didn’t speak. My sister and I both said our goodbyes “just in case” when we left him.
That night the nurse called me at 1:30 am to say Dad had passed a half hour before. I called my sister who said “Thank You, Lord!” I knew what she meant because I felt the same. He was no longer suffering, but also there was personal relief for us as well. We would miss him, but life could slow down again.
Well, it didn’t slow down much because of estate issues. My sister did most of that, but I needed to pack up his room and tell his friends. After a few months of trying to keep myself busy, I hit a brick wall. Suddenly, I had to face my own health that I had stuffed away for so long. Pain, flu and infections, fatigue, emotions, etc. consumed me for at least a year after Dad passed.
I missed the final three weeks of my pain program. Thankfully they saw progress in me and allowed me to start over once things settled down in my life.
I was told that caregiver’s grief is very real and can be even deeper than the regular grief of losing a parent. Mine was complicated even more because my mind and body wanted their share of my attention and weren’t taking no for an answer. I finally gave in and put myself first. After I got it somewhat under control, I was able to work out the feelings around my relationship with my Dad.
And those are my experiences,
Lydia Beier, when this caregiver needed care, part 2!
