Today’s guest writer is Donna Long who brings information to us about how to successfully care-give in difficult circumstances.
She and her two daughters write “Life on Sixth Street,” a Christian family lifestyle website. Emily wrote last month’s post, and her sister will write next month’s article.
Donna’s caregiving
Her questions
Being a caregiver to a husband with dementia is an unbelievably scary thing. The person you knew and loved and expected to spend the rest of your life with is gone. You are alone with more responsibilities than ever before. You are trying to hold it together for everyone, but each day brings new challenges, and it seems like everything is falling apart. All that you knew and cherished is rapidly crashing around you, and you feel like you are losing everything. Your marriage, your family, your financial security, and even your own sanity. Everything.
So how do you find the strength to travel down this long and frightening road? How do you maintain your sanity and sense of who you are on the journey no one ever wants to go on? I would like to share with you how I did it. This may not be the only way, but it’s the way that worked for me.
Her situation
When my husband Jeff was diagnosed with vascular dementia at the appallingly young age of 50, people began to tell me that I needed to find a support group of some kind for myself. While this may be good advice for some, I am not a “people person” and the thought of being in a group and sharing my personal problems with strangers terrified me more than going it alone.
I had my church friends and my family, and they were all more than kind and helpful to me, but no one that truly understood all that I was going through. I needed someone who knew me well enough to know exactly how I was feeling, someone who was strong enough to carry me through to the very end, someone I could lean on and depend on unconditionally. I needed God.
As time went on and things became scarier and more confusing for me, I drew ever nearer my God. I craved to be with Him. I read my Bible relentlessly. I prayed continually. I listened to contemporary Christian music more. And, I relied on my church friends for advice and encouragement. I had determined that, of all the things I had lost, I wasn’t going to lose my faith or my trust in God. I used God as my support group, and He listened and guided me the entire way. Here are some of the ways He did that.
He gave me scriptures to remember.
As I read my Bible, I began to see verses and passages that had more meaning to me than ever. I had read them all before, but they now took on greater significance in my present circumstance. When I felt overwhelmed and just wanted it to all go away, I read Psalm 13, and cried out “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
When I was afraid, He gave me Deuteronomy 31:6. And when, I felt I was fighting a losing battle, He gave me Ephesians 6:10-17.
I began to understand that God was with me. He gave me all I needed to fight the battles ahead, and I didn’t need to be afraid. Was I never afraid again? No, but I could say to myself “God is with me in all this” and “This, too, shall pass.”
He gave me a song to sing.
The songs we sang at church began to take on new meaning. Certain phrases stuck in my mind until I would finally memorize the entire song. I would hum these in my head all day long, soaking in the comfort and strength that came from them. Some of my favorites were –
“10,000 Reasons” by Matt Redman, especially the first verse.
“Whom Shall I Fear” by Chris Tomlin.
“Oceans” by Hillsong United.
He gave me friends and family.
I honestly don’t know what I would have done without my family. They were there with me every step of the way, and gave me a reason to go on. I often wondered what they would learn from me in this struggle. Would they see me as a strong woman who wanted to do the right thing, or as a selfish person who made decisions based on her own desires?
My church friends were an unwavering source of strength and comfort. Many of them told me repeatedly that they prayed for me every day. Some made it a point to check in on me regularly. They even took up a collection for me when finances were my greatest struggle. And when Jeff, contracted COVID-19 and passed on this past December, they were right there with me, providing food, and hugs, and support, shedding tears right alongside us as we laid him to his final rest. I can’t begin to thank them enough for all they have done and continue to do for me.
Was the journey long and hard? Yes. But did God travel with me, supplying words of comfort, songs of hope, and the support of friends and family, everything I needed and more? Definitely.
Kudos to Donna Long, our guest writer today on a very difficult subject.
Can you share an experience you had giving care for someone?
Investigate Further
Check out our Kudos for Caregivers. If you want to publicly thank your caregiver, fill out my Contact form, and I will add it.
Thank you so much for this wonderful encouragement today. It has blessed me more than I can say. We are facing a possible diagnosis of Parkinson’s for my husband and caring for other family members too. This, along with my own illness, can seem like too much to bear. Thank you again!
What heavy responsibilities you have! I’m glad you were encouraged.