Attention: Caregivers Really Do Need Your Help!

Helping caregivers of invisibly disabled people relieves their stress. What stress? They’re able-bodied; what problems do they have? Stresses on their time, abilities, emotions, and often their income.

Do our caregivers need help? Why? Aren’t they doing just fine? You’re the one that hurts, not them.

Observer, you understand your friend is invisibly disabled, but do you know how much his spouse or parents or children have to do for him? Do you realize your friend couldn’t participate as much in life if not for her helper(s)?

Helping caregivers of invisibly disabled people also helps your disabled friends.

Real-Life Example

Joe, my husband, best friend, and caregiver on our 50th

I’ll use my husband, Joe to illustrate one caregiver’s life. We’ve traveled 40 years of invisible disabilities. No, he doesn’t have to feed or clothe me or do personal care. But relatively little else would get done without him, and I’d rarely get outside the home.

I wear a TENS requiring him to put on and take off my electrodes every day. No biggie, right? Just takes a couple minutes morning and night. But for 27 years? That gets old. Then there are all the “little” things he does: fetch my needs when I’m too exhausted to get up; answer the phone I forgot to put by me; put away groceries. And the bigger things: fix most meals; drive me everywhere; finish the washing when I can’t. And the BIG things: heavy housework, pushing a wheelchair. And so many other things.

Yet, even those who know of my problems likely do not realize how much he does or the toll it takes.

How many other family members are out there doing that much and more? And someone has to make a living. Have you thought about how much a caregiver does for your friend? Not to mention the emotional toll of seeing a loved one hurt. Or the human reaction when one has to do everything.

Many caregivers need relief, acceptance, and affirmation. A little respite goes a long way in helping them cope. Take the ideas below and tailor them to your situation and your friend’s.

11 Possibilities for Helping

Note: These possibilities depend on your relationship with the caregiver. Is he your caregiver? Does she take care of your friend? Is he an acquaintance? Maybe she’s a stranger. Adapt as appropriate.

1. Realize, acknowledge, and affirm the work he does and the stresses he lives with. Sometimes, that is the biggest thing you can do.  
2. Write her a note of encouragement.
3. Call him just to say you’re thinking about him.
4. Acknowledge time and money limitations and understand she may not be able to join in some activities.
5. Use humor to relieve stress.
6. Offer a couple hours respite care, so he can go shopping or pursue a hobby or just do nothing.
7. Consider doing house or yard work. Or offer to pay for it.
8. Take the kids out for a fun time.
9. Suggest taking the disabled person to her next doctor’s visit. Or take her shopping. Or to Church.
10. Loan him a movie or book to enjoy.
11. Point her to a website or Facebook group for caregivers.

So, be on the lookout for opportunities to help. Is your friend suffering? Does he have a caregiver? What does her caregiver do? Is there some way you can lighten the caregiver’s load, if even just for a little while? Use these ideas to jumpstart your own imagination. Personalize them to help someone you know.