When You Can’t Do Life

By that, I mean when you can’t do life like you used to. Or maybe, you just can no longer do what you think you should. That’s me this week – last few weeks, uh, last few months.

Looking back

40+ years ago, I was an active woman, wife, and mother of two young boys. I worked part time as Joe attended graduate school. Just two years later, my life was severely limited; I was still a wife and mother, Joe had graduated, and I had everything to live for. But never again would I lead an active life. I had to answer the question, ”Now what? I can no longer ‘do’ life—at least, not like it used to be.” It was a rough time of life, but my family and I adjusted.

Today

Many (although not all) invisible disabilities are unstable and progressive. If you are undiagnosed as of yet, newly diagnosed, or experiencing new losses, you may need to think about what happens when you can’t do life like it used to be.

We just have to figure out new ways of doing life. First, we must accept that life has changed. Then we need to realize our life still has meaning, and it can still be good. We may have to re-define what “good” means. Finally, we can work on specifics to positively “do” life.

Actions to enable you to “do” life again

• Refusing to accept reality makes life more difficult.
  • New possibilities can result from acceptance.
  • Seek help if you are having a problem accepting what is.
• Resisting making necessary adjustments makes acceptance harder.
• Resenting changes brings about unhappiness, maybe even depression.
• Reframe self-talk.
  • Speaking negative words to yourself does yourself a disservice.
• Evaluate your current situation.
  • Are you trying to do more than your body is now capable of?
    • If so, figure out why.
  • How are you using your time?
    • Is the activity essential, as in ADL?
    • Is it something important to your new purpose?
      • Or is it a time waster?
    • Don’t forget to make time for fun.
  • Emotionally, are you feeling down, depressed, overwhelmed, “poor me,”?
    • Maybe it is time to seek help.
• Then, look around for alternatives.
  • Can family members help?
    • Have you asked?
  • What about friends?
    • Maybe several can band together with one coming each week, so no one has to invest a lot of time.
  • Have you looked into the possibility of service organizations or churches?
  • What about government programs?
• Turn to God for His help.
  • Pray, read the Bible, sing.

If any of these options speak to you, you could find yourself energized and able to do life again. Thriving with invisible disabilities results.

Summing up

I hope if you find yourself once again in this situation that you will be stimulated to look around and discover new means to empower your life.

I needed to write this post for myself as I seem to be experiencing new challenges further limiting my ability to “do” life. These are strategies I have employed in the last 40+ years. I REALLY did not want to have to go through this again.

Here’s hoping you can find encouragement for your own life.

Your Input

Have you found yourself in this situation? Could you share with us what you did?

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